Stella's Blog 黛你飛

You are suffering from insomnia lasted weeks and could help but think why is me? Your heart tries to pull its broken self together and tell you it’s okay, the pain will pass, you are not recovering from a breakup in a short time  

When we find ourselves’ feeling trapped in a relationship, I found these tips for letting go of it for good:

Recognize the problem

You are not the first person and won’t be the last one to experience heartache.  Pain is something that adds to your understanding, knowledge of people and your own maturity.

Awareness is the first step. Educate yourself or talk to a confidante or therapist about what constitutes

Allow yourself to feel it.

Letting go is always not easy. It could be painful to end a relationship even If the relationship was not bringing you advantage. Honor to face any feeling of grief you may have and allow you to feel those emotions rather than attempting to constrain the emotions. You have a right to accept grief as a part of the experience to grow to heal.

Discover the lesson

Many people who move on from a toxic/beautiful relationship feel guilt or unforgettable as they perceive the time they spent within a relationship kinda as a waste. However, everyone walks into your life has a main purpose, some are your lessons, some are your motivations and some are your memories. So , think about it, what did the person teach you ? What are you taking away from the relationship? How have you changed as a person and how might you make things differently next time?

Create separation

It could be hard to distance yourself from someone you are used to get together so much time. Nevertheless, it is a necessary process to remove the relationship in your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t maintain a friendship with your ex (well, it is not easy to keep a “pure” friendship with ex) but, it is usually best to allow to take some time for both parties to heal before you are ready to being as friends.

Let go of the moments

It can be the trigger to make you sad if you hang on all the old relics of a past relationship. You may still immerse in the wonderful relationship, thus, you should prevent yourself from moving on with it. If you really want to keep the relics, like Polaroid films, sweet gifts or love letters, you may store them to somewhere out of sight until you are ready to go further.

Take off your love goggles

Sometimes we fall in love with someone for who you think they are, thus, you are hard to see the complete picture. If you really want to get rid of an unhealthy relationship, taking off the goggle you image, reviewing objectively

Considering talking with a close family or friends to help you to check the relationship impartially.

Compose a letter to your ex

Drafting all your feelings in a letter to your ex, even if you have no intention of sending it. You can keep the letter to your former partner or destroy it when you have finished. The point to write down is to allow you to release your feelings and it’s a ritual to say good with all the good and bad memories.

Focus on empowering yourself

You are used to doing things with another person and gradually forget there are some personal lists is still pending. Now, is the time to roll over the list, starting to check which one is on your priority. Go for some social event to make new friends, go for a cooking class or dancing class. There are some cities you would like to travel by yourself or with your besties(buddies)

Focus on cultivating self-love and self-respect. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love from yourself.

Rewrite your story

There was a version you wrote is only you are in the story. One day, some people come into our lives to learn from us or teach us. For some reasons, not everyone is allowed to stay and it doesn’t mean you are not good enough, just not the right person coming this moment.  

Right now, something inside you is changing, there are some new ideas you could revise in your update story, adding some good aspects into the story and deleting the bad habits, it can complete you to a better person.

Practice forgiveness

There is nothing you can change before, but you can release any feeling of guilt or regret surrounding the relationship from now on. Forgive yourself for anything that happened in the past because you tried to do the best already, even though the ending is not what you expected.

Be willing to forgive your ex-partner as well. Let go of any resentment you have regarding the relationship and understand human beings are susceptible to mistakes.

Live in the present moment

Regrets can be grouped into 3 stages in life: a past you can’t let go of, a present you refuse to change and a future you are afraid to go after.

Life exists in the present moment. Choose to live in the present rather than getting lost in nostalgia.

Accept what is

We are able to accept things as they are if we want to move forward. Many people in an unhealthy relationship because they don’t love for who you are, is for you want me to be. The most important is to remember that you cannot change anyone , especially if they have no willingness to change themselves. If you force it, you are going to destroy the relationship, and isn’t working for the long-term. However, you have choice to leave and move on. That is something you can change.

Practice self-care

You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy, you just need to understand yourself. Focus on cultivating self-love and respect. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and that you deserve a healthy relationship. Letting go doesn’t mean forgotten, just be inevitable to suppress our physical and emotional health after a painful breakup. The grief may overwhelm our needs.

Get plenty of rest. Take a hot bath with lavender. Eat nutritious food. Indulge yourself sometimes. Whatever you do, just do make sure you met your personal needs.

Embrace the impermanence of life.

The only eternity in the world is change. No matter how much effort we do, we truly can’t hold on anything in life FOREVER, like friends, family, jobs and relationships. Things come and eventually go.

When it comes time for things to end, rather than clinging to what no longer is. Realize impermanence is a natural part of life and try to embrace it. Appreciate the good moments surrounded, cherished those memories and let them go in exchange for new experiences.

References:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/15-tips-for-letting-go-of-a-relationship-that-is-not-healthy-0829167

https://www.heysigmund.com/recovering-from-a-breakup/

https://www.heysigmund.com/dear-broken-hearted-one-when-youre-in-the-thick-of-a-break-up/ ​​​​​​​